I thought I'd seen everything.

I thought I'd seen it all when I came across the H20 Mop X5 steam mop last year but guess what? I was wrong, as another encounter with a shopping channel has shown. I have just seen a commercial for 'The Clapper'. Those of a certain age might remember it from a KTel ad that ran for a while in the 80's or thereabouts. They might also remember that 'The Clapper' is an attachment to TVs and lights that will turn them on or off when you clap your hands. Modern technology allows the same thing with verbal commands, and wireless remote controls so I'm surprised that this gimmick still sells - apparently. Actually, I hope it does well as I find it strangely comforting that such a low-tech solution is still around at the same time as someone can switch their lights off via their mobile phone from anywhere in the world. Although I'm not sure why anyone would want either.

The star of the commercial is Kent French**, the World Record Holder for the number of times he can clap his hands in a minute. Wow! Respect.

They claim he can clap his hands 721 times a minute. Maybe I'm being pedantic, but he doesn’t really clap his hands. He sort of slaps them with a slippy slidey kind of action.  OK, slap, clap: what's the difference?  I'll give him that one but what I can’t believe is:

1.  That there is a world record for claps in one minute. 
2.  That anyone would aspire to hold that record. 
3.  That anyone would actually attempt to count and validate his clap number.
4.  That Kent could actually turn this 'talent' (?) into an opportunity to make money. 

Beguiling though the ad may be, I have absolutely no urge to buy 'The Clapper'. I think it's a daft product. It is one of those things that only sells at 2 am in the morning when someone is desperately looking for something to make a grandparent very happy. I can just imagine the thought processes going on:

“Hmmm, what would grandad most want this Christmas? 'The Clapper' or a ‘Meercat Garden Ornament'? I guess you can only have so many meercats in the garden so we'll get him ‘The Clapper’: besides it is endorsed by the world’s fastest clapper so it must be good...".

If my children or grandchildren are reading this, please don’t get me ‘The Clapper’, no matter who endorses it. There must be something better you could buy me. And you can forget about anything meercat-themed as well. And while I'm being prescriptive, don't go anywhere near royalty-themed tat. Unless, of course, it's been personally endorsed by her maj - "One loves one's Meercat Ornaments and one has them scattered all around one's gardens at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, Balmoral, Sandringham and wherever else one's pinched off the plebs".

(** Those with the energy and inclination to search Google will discover that Kent has lost his clapping crown. Which is worrying as it means that there's more than one loooney at large who thinks its smart to clap faster than anyone else. It sure is a strange world.)