What is so difficult about politics?

My post today stems from a question posed by Granddaughter #1 asking me what political parties were. It was a tough one to answer in a few words (and without me lapsing into a ranty polemic)and I mumbled something about them being groups of people who share the same ideas about the way the country should be run. This seemed to satisfy her but it got me thinking about how I would explain various political positions to her if ever she asked. Maybe she won't, maybe one of the other grandchildren will but, just in case it comes up, I've got the following on file for them.

Bampi's Cynical Guide to Politics

Despite what you might think, politics is simple. No matter what specific party people belong to, they fall into one of three categories: Left, Right or Middle of the Road (MORs).

Lefties trust the Government and think that it can pass laws to solve all problems and make everything fair.

Righties trust business. They think that business and free markets will best produce what people want. They will make all products safe and treat all people fairly.

MORs trust neither government nor business. They change who they trust based on whoever benefits them the most at any given time. They trust only after they know that a policy is good for them.

Simple isn't it?

Lefties:

*  Hate anything that comes as a result of business. They dislike people who have more than them and insist on regulating everything.
* Don’t have to think or research. They know that Tesco's is bad; anything not natural (organic) is bad; big Pharma exists to rip off the poor and anyone who disagrees is a non-thinking misogynistic, racist Neanderthal idiot.
* Are sarcastic and sure of themselves. They use and or make up facts and statistics to win arguments.
* Will support a strong government.

Simple isn’t it?

Righties:
* Hate regulations. Regulations just get in the way of production.
* Believe that if people do not succeed it is because they are lazy and they need to learn to fend for themselves.
* Believe that Government should provide Armed Forces to protect the country and build roads and stuff to make businesses more productive.  
* Don't have to think or research. If government is involved, and it is not protecting their interests, it is a bad thing. Anyone that disagrees is a bleeding heart Namby Pamby Socialist infiltrating anti-British traitor.
* Rely on loud aggressive name calling to win an argument.
* Will support a weak government.

Simple isn’t it.

MORS:
* Have to think and analyse everything. Is it good for me? There is no need to help the poor, unless the poor are causing problems, then maybe we need to allow them just enough affluence enough not to be frightening. 
* Hate seeing the homeless as they make them uncomfortable.  Something should be done about that. Legalize drugs? Well, the ones they like, yes. Equal rights for women? Sure, if they have a daughter. Racial equality? As long as it doesn’t cost them their job.
* Want safe food and cheap drink and will vote for whoever can best deliver what they want.
* Think almost everyone is wrong. They avoid all meaningful political discussions but have nice teeth.
* Will flip flop their positions as needed.

Simple isn’t it.

Oh, I almost forgot. There is another category that I will call the “what is best for everyone” group. People in this group:
*  Read, research and analyse every issue based on what is right, fair, safe and most productive for the most people regardless of how it will effect them as individuals.
* Seem to be in an almost invisible minority and a political party for them is conspicuous by its absence.

Simple it isn't. Depressing it is.