Some advice for our friends in the USA

My first thought when I saw that Donald Trump, with typically disarming modesty, was offering himself as a candidate in the next US Presidential Election, was that it fitted in really well with my current blogging theme of loonies and eccentrics. But then it struck me that, with a little lateral thinking, there was something there that our Colonial Cousins could build upon. Bear with me whilst I elaborate and to do this, I'll have to move from Mr Trump to Mr President.

By any sensible measure, the President of The United States is extremely busy. Just think about it. He leads and inspires the country in good times and bad times. He makes decisions on the economy. He works with Congress and the Senate. He appoints judges. He campaigns for legislation he wants passed and the government officials he wants appointed or elected. He is on call all the time to make decisions on international issues and to deal with emergencies. His opinion is solicited and put under a magnifying glass on every subject from Terrorism to what he likes for breakfast.

And that's not all as, in addition to his duties and responsibilities, Mr President is also the figure head and formal representative of the country. He hosts State Dinners for every dignitary from Russia to Ruritania. He represents the USA at funerals and in the aftermath of every tragedy, it is he who tells the world that “Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of XXX during this time of great difficulty.”  He travels the world to shake hands with other leaders and wave to foreigners in order to send a signal to the rest of the world that the USA supports the country and people of the great nation that is XXX. The USA needs a figurehead and representative for all these mundane functions, but does it have to be the President? Does it have to be the busiest man in the world? Of course not. And this is where the colonials should look back to the Mother Country for inspiration and a solution. I know I've said ad nauseum in the past that a monarchy in a modern democracy is absurd but given the present context, it's obvious that the USA needs a King.

Let me develop this a little further. This should not be an elected position, neither should it be a political appointment. The King should be a person universally adored, admired and (thinking of Machiavelli's advice) feared. He should simply step into the position and be anointed based on his kingly attitude and kingly sense of entitlement. The title should be passed down to his heirs, thus creating a whole class of princes and princesses, lords and ladies, and dukes and duchesses. This new class of privilege, based on birth alone, would give the country a family that it could safely hate, without being accused if one -ism or another. The USA clearly needs a figurehead to assume the tasks of representing the country to the world and, as importantly, a group to absorb the hate and disenchantment currently heaped on Mr President for issues over which he has no control. It's obvious: the USA needs a King!

Who should get the title? Surely there is only one person who fits the bill. Only one person who is haughty enough. Only one person with the right degree of absolute and unshakable self-belief. Only one person with the sense of entitlement and who has the necessary annoying offspring to take over when he passes. There is only one person with all these attributes who also looks good in a suit, regardless of his unusual hair. Donald Trump should be King of the USA!

Think of the other benefits of enthroning King Donald. He would not need a crown, his comb-over already does the job. He would not need Air Force I as he has his own planes and helicopters (lots of them). He even has his own anthem - the “Money, Money, Money” theme. Admittedly not quite as stirring as her Maj's 'God save the Queen' but perfectly serviceable nonetheless. And finally, let's not forget that King Donald has golf courses and enough real estate fit for….mmm….a King.

Hooray for Google for the next bit. The Donald has two ex-wives and a current wife 25 years younger than he is. He has three grown children, Donald Jr. the hair apparent to the throne, Ivanka, and Eric by his first wife. There is a daughter, Tiffany by Marla Maples, wife#2, and 8 year old Barron (come on, if that's not a prescient name, I don't know what is) with his current wife Melanoma, sorry, Melania. With all these off spring and given his own 'colourful' past, there is plenty of opportunity for drama and controversy from the new royalty to keep the media going for years. Focusing on them for gossip will take the pressure off Mr President and his family. Who will care what the First Lady is wearing? It will be Melania under the microscope. What are the President’s teenage girls up to? How uninteresting when compared to an 8 year old Prince Barron chasing girls around the playground. What world leader would prefer a meeting with a boring President of the United States, when he could be shaking hands with King Donald and posing for pictures with Queen Melania?

Let the elected President make the tough decisions on international matters.  Let him make the speeches which set the tone and direction of his country. Let him concentrate on running the country without worrying over his every move.
King Donald and the Trump scions would create the controversies so in demand by the media. King Donald would handle all the pomp and ceremony.

Vive le roi. Vive le Trump. Vive King Donald.

King Donald with the Comb-Over of State