Vacaciones en Mexico: Parte 11

The Mankini of Derision

What to wear on holiday? A vexing question and one that always occupies a great deal of my time in the weeks leading up to departure to warmer climes. Elegant yet casual, fashionable yet understated: that’s the way I’d describe my travelling wardrobe (and I’m sure my ITC will be nodding her head in agreement when she reads this). Staying at a resort hotel is a great opportunity for people watching and it’s obvious that not everyone takes the same meticulous care that I do when it comes to vacation dress. When you are away, your normal sense of what is fashionable can go straight out of the window and there are lots of people here who have plainly lost sight of what looks good. Many a stylistic faux pas is in evidence.

We are paying a princely sum to stay at this hotel and, to be honest, I’m more than a little disappointed with the low couture that surrounds me. Given their otherwise impeccable attention to

The Coconut Bikini of Shame

detail, I’m amazed that the management do not specify some sort of sartorial standard for their guests. I’ve given it a little thought and I’ve come up with a proposal that they may care to follow. It would not be too difficult to put into action and it would result in a far more aesthetically pleasing stay for all. What they should do is to give out a list of what is acceptable apparel in a pre-arrival briefing pack and then have an inspection of suitcases on entry to the resort with, perhaps, a green sticker attached to clothes approved for wear whilst on site. Conformity to the rules could be maintained by a cadre of fashion police constantly patrolling the beach and pool surrounds and singling out any transgressors. A couple of lapses would be allowed but any more than that would mean the miscreants having to wear the Mankini of Derision or the Coconut Bikini of Shame for the rest of their stay. Who could possibly object to this way of enhancing their holiday experience? Isn’t this what a 5* resort should be doing anyway?

(And to those whose dress sense is behind the times, I would point out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing socks with your sandals. Why is it that we trend setters are always mocked?).

The Look of 2013?