What every bird photographer needs

I do like taking photographs of birds. Unfortunately most of the ones I want to capture are either too far away or too busy doing birdy things like flitting about from branch to branch. Even allowing for my inherent bushcraft skills and my intensive jungle training, I just cannot creep up close enough without scaring the blighters away. What to do? Make myself less conspicuous, that's what.

My portable hide, complete with small stool, wifi, cooking stove and chemical toilet (you can be waiting a long time for something to turn up).

Protective eye wear is obligatory for getting close to some species. An irate sparrow or enraged robin can often give you a nasty peck.

Go on, admit it - you had a job seeing me. It fools the birds and, as a bonus, is great for playing hide and seek with the grandchildren. It has taken them up to four hours to find me. Neither could anyone else, for that matter, and I've missed a few meals because of it.

My first outing with all the gear was less than successful as I could only get a few shots of seagulls. In retrospect, trying out my camouflage on the beach promenade at Sandgate wasn't an inspired idea.

If I could speak seagull, I suspect that this bunch were saying "who is that daft pillock?".