On an already gloomy day, I was distressed when I heard that Kraft (who bought out Cadbury’s under dubious circumstances and who, in turn, have been subsumed into Mondelēz International) have been rather krafty and changed the chocolate on Cadbury's Creme Eggs. No longer does thick Dairy Milk surround the sweet, gooey filling but, by common consent, it's been replaced by a cheap, thin chocolate shell that tastes as sugary as its filling.
I decided that I really had no right to damn these new ova without actually trying them and it took all of 5 microseconds to persuade myself to buy one in the interests of fairness. Ok, a box would be even fairer. And that revealed more treachery: it’s now a box of 5 rather than 6. Robbed of an egg before I’m even off the chomping blocks. But, despite this, I mentally prepared myself to push aside my prejudices and judge the egg for what it is. I closed my eyes, bit off the top and…..…I was NOT happy.
I’m not convinced the inside hasn’t been changed a bit too, but the chocolate is now a darker colour, thin and really sweet. The old chocolate was thick – sometimes it was an almighty effort to bite through it, especially if it was chilled. It was milky and cloying, which balanced the oozing, sugary filling and every mouthful was a mission of pleasure to complete. The new egg lacks texture, taste and I would like to know who thought they could change a Great British Institution and get away with it. Oh, that sounds a bit UKIP-y but you know what I mean. Generations have grown up with the uniqueness of Creme Eggs and their limited annual release simply made them more desirable. Just like the arrival of the first snowdrop in Spring, the first swallow in Summer, it was a talking point: "Creme Eggs are back in the shops!”. They were a guilty secret to be scoffed (sometimes whole; sometimes 6 at a time - simultaneously - whole) and savoured.
Now, I realise that this is very much a ‘first world problem’ and in relation to the horrors of the news headlines, bastardising Creme Eggs is, perhaps, not such a big deal. Except it is. Change it back, please, Kraft. Because there’s a significant part of the nation that won’t be buying them any more until you do. Are we really going to swallow this bad egg, people? For that is what Cadbury has wrought upon us. A bad egg. And it's not even good in parts, like the curate's egg in the famous Punch cartoon
* For any readers in the USA, the new taste reminds me very much of the 'chocolate' in Hershey Bars. I'm sorry, you make many fine things but chocolate isn't one of them.
I'm sort of watching the latest BBC bodice ripper - Jamaica Inn. To those of us living close to where it's ostensibly located, it's an interesting experience. Kirkby Lonsdale in Yorkshire doubling as Launceston, views of moors unrecognisable to those of us who tramp Bodmin Moor regularly, chronological anachronisms and accents that were formed a thousand miles from Cornwall mumbled incoherently. Not my thing but I can understand why it seems to be popular. Actually, that's not true - I can't understand its popularity but what do I know?
Amongst the cast, that fine actress, Joanne Whalley, plays Aunt Patience but, to me, she looks all wrong. Is it her too-tidy hair? Is it her too-clean skin? No, it's her teeth, which could not be less early 19th century if they tried. However, on the plus side, her shining white molars do come in useful at times. The drama is so gloomy that, most of the time, it's difficult making out the characters on screen. But it's always possible to see Aunt Patience by her gleaming gnashers. They illuminate the screen like a beacon and I'm left wondering why her husband, Joss Merlyn, doesn't use her to lure the laden ships on to the rocks in readiness for plundering. Her toothy smile can easily do the work of his lanterns and save him goodness knows how much in lamp oil.
And whilst we are musing on themes Jamaican, have you ever tried Cadbury's 'Old Jamaica' chocolate bar? The wrapper proudly claims this is “Raisins and rum flavoured dark chocolate” and the advertising blurb has this evocative prose: "Rums and raisins were two favourite stowaways on-board the ships of the merchant adventurer. With a similar taste for adventure Bournville sought out the richest source of cocoa beans in Ghana in 1908. Still using cocoa beans shipped from Ghana and the much loved raisins and rum flavours, Bournville is proud to unveil a new twist on an old favourite "Old Jamaica" . Whatever the 'new twist' is, it certainly hasn't improved the flavour. Nostalgia whacked me on the back of the head recently when I saw it displayed in our local supermarket and I just had to find out if it tasted the same as I remember it from way back. Sadly I was disappointed.
In actual fact, it contains no real rum, and it’s hardly dark chocolate. A quick look at the back of the pack reveals that it contains only 39% cocoa solids, with 18% raisins and – oddly – milk fat. The label also shows that total sugars in this bar are 14 g per 25g of chocolate. Ouch! So what we actually get is “raisins with some dark-coloured milk chocolate, lots of sugar and some artificial flavour”. It’s quite difficult to get a handle on the chocolate flavour because the sweet, fake alcohol overpowers it entirely. I’m at a bit of a loss as to how they manage to squeeze so much sugar and artificial rum into such a small space. The really annoying thing about this bar, though, is that it’s just so moreish. Despite the fact that I really didn’t like it, I found myself breaking off chunks every couple of minutes and wolfing them down. Deservedly I felt sick afterwards. No more Old Jamaica for me and I would suggest that lovers of decent chocolate give it a miss as well. Treat yourself to a decent 80 - 90% cocoa solids bar instead: you know it makes sense.
* For any readers in the USA, the new taste reminds me very much of the 'chocolate' in Hershey Bars. I'm sorry, you make many fine things but chocolate isn't one of them.
