The Green Lady stalks the ramparts..............



Caerphilly Castle

Throughout my early years Caerphilly Castle was a constant presence.  It dominated the eponymous town and doubled as an adventure playground for we local children.  This was before the days of paid entry and safety constraints so we enjoyed unfettered access to the towers, ramparts, curtain walls, dungeons etc.  It was built in the 13th century by Gilbert de Clare and is almost totally surrounded by a large moat, in which we used to fish (illegally, of course, as the cost of a licence was beyond our meagre pocket money).   The castle, which is the largest in Wales and second only to Windsor Castle in Europe, is home to a restless spirit - the Green Lady.  Read on if you dare.....................

Gilbert de Clare married the beautiful Princess Alice of Angouleme, who was, by contemporary accounts, a lady of refined tastes and with a passionate nature.  Alice, poor soul, became disenchanted with her husband, who seemed to spend most of his time away from home fighting. the rebellious Welsh (hooray!).  One day, Gruffudd the Fair, Prince of Brithdir, paid a visit to the castle and, surprise, surprise, soon Alice and he were lovers. Rather foolishly, Gruffudd confessed their secret to a monk who promptly informed the cuckolded husband. A less-than-happy Gilbert sent his wife back to France and ordered his men to find Gruffudd. Meanwhile, learning of the monk’s betrayal, Gruffudd caught him and hanged him from a tree at a site known ever since as “Monk’s Vale” (Ystrad Mynach in Welsh, about 3 miles outside of Caerphilly.  The hanging was probably the last time anything exciting happened in Ystrad - it really is a dump). No sooner had he done so than Gilbert’s men caught up with Gruffudd and he, too, was soon dangling at the end of a noose. 



Green Lady mural in Caerphilly

Gilbert just had to let his wife know of his revenge and he promptly sent a messenger to France to tell Alice of her lover’s execution. Such was the shock of the news that, in the best romantic tradition, she dropped dead on the spot of a broken heart.  Ever since then her ghost has haunted the ramparts of Caerphilly Castle. Resplendent in a richly woven dress, coloured green for Gilbert’s envy, she waits in silent solitude, desperate to be reunited with her princely lover, whose flattering attentions fate has long denied her. 

Of course, knowing that there might be a ghost lurking in the dark recesses of the castle added a frisson of excitement to our play.  It also added another dimension to the scout camps we had in the centre of the castle.  Cubs and scouts would camp together and it was a rite of passage that the tale of the Green Lady would be told, with much gory embellishment, around the campfire at night.  It was also a rite of passage that, at some stage in the proceedings, someone would gasp and point at the ramparts where a ghostly figure could be seen.  It's amazing what a green blanket and a torch, combined with the right atmosphere, can do.  Oh, how we older scouts laughed when the novice cubs screamed - but it was nothing that had not been done to us when we were at that stage.  I wonder if the tradition continues?

And did I ever see the Green Lady?  I think the honest answer to this is "I don't know".  One night, after all the cubs had calmed down and gone to sleep, four of us were sitting out and talking about nothing in particular.  I distinctly remember that, as one, we turned towards the rampart that extended into the moat and saw something.  It was translucent green and hovered above the stones for a few minutes before it gradually faded away to nothing.  I've no idea what it was (no lights of any kind on a dark starless night, no beer, no wacky baccy) and neither did my friends.  All I know is that I saw something that I can't explain.  Oooo, spooky!

I don't do favourites

Every now and again I'm delighted to get a comment on one of my blogs from someone who has stumbled across it. Here's a question that came to me from Chicago in response to my piece on the Best Radio Show You've Never Heard.

Can you name your top five musical acts? One being your all-time favourite?

My answer is no.  How could anyone possibly say what their favourite piece of music is? Or their favourite book? I just don't have the inclination or energy to categorise things in this way. I know it's a really curmudgeonly answer but it's true.  The dictionary definition of 'favourite' is  a person or thing regarded with especial preference or liking.  Well, I've got lots of those, all listed in this song..................................

Many readers and just one poem

As a Welshman I suppose it's inevitable that I rate the works of Dylan Thomas very highly, especially his poem 'Do not go gently into that good night'.  I've just listened to the poet himself reading it and I found his rendition rather theatrical, almost histrionic.  Disappointingly devoid of the depth of passion I had anticipated would be in his delivery.  He's a writer and not a reader.  Am I alone in thinking this?



A good poem deserves a good reading and, I'm sorry Dylan bach, you just don't do it for me.  Out of curiosity I had a root around to see what other versions I could find and it's interesting to compare the various styles.

Let's start with another iconic Welshman, Richard Burton.  I'm afraid he falls into the 'very actorly' camp as well.  Too much proclaiming: too little passion.  Take it away, Dicky.

Mmm, let's see if that boyo from Port Talbot, Anthony Hopkins, can do any better.  A brave attempt, Tony, but a little lifeless for my taste.  Ever the thespian, eh?  Better stick to the chianti and fava beans.



Maybe changing continents will bring a better result?  Step forward, Tom O'Bedlam (a prolific reader of poetry via his Youtube nom de plume SpokenVerse).  A fantastic voice and, in my opinion, a very creditable rendering of the essence of the villanelle.  Full of passion and emotion, yet still spoken in the hushed tone that comes almost instinctively while in the presence of a dying light.  Good but not the best I came across.

 

 

Call me nationalistic (you're nationalistic, Parsons!) but I can't help it: only a Welsh voice can do justice to Dylan Thomas. And for me, that voice belongs to the late Philip Madoc.  An amazing interpretation and just the right blend of vocal light and dark.  I might just have chosen a reading for my funeral service!



Tamar Valley Walk: 21st February 2013

An 8 mile walk with friends yesterday in ideal conditions in the Tamar Valley.  With no rain and cool temperatures, it was a pleasure to be out and about.  Lots of daffodils and snowdrops in the hedgerows all the way around.  The route, not without the odd incline or two, was as follows:
*  Local train from Gunnislake to Bere Alston (no charge!).
*  Up the Devon side of the river taking in Gawton Arsenic mine, a protracted scramble along the steep sides above the river, the abandoned village at Newquay, the Charlotte and George Copper mine, Morwellham Copper Quay, Morwellham Woods and Chimney Rock.
*  Down the Cornwall side of the river taking in the Gunnislake Weir and the old Bude Manure Canal.

A great day out and perhaps a sign that the weather has changed?

Just a few of the hedgerow daffodils - standing out against the leafless background

The stack at the top of the arsenic flue at Gawton mine.  Local mythology has that there were two teams of bricklayers involved in building the stack and that they worked at different rates - hence the curve.

Looking back towards Calstock Viaduct over the River Tamar. Kit Hill in the sunshine in the far distance, the tower of the folly at Cotehele directly ahead and the tower of Cotehele itself in the woods to the left.

I liked the pattern of the bark on this young tree.

Confession time: I'm a feminist

It’s not without some trepidation that I wade into the choppy waters of gender politics.  In my experience, few subjects (apart from gay marriage, women bishops, immigration, the feckless poor, Posh Dave's sincerity etc) bring out quite as much impassioned and polarised accusation and irrationality. And, regardless of what I may write here, I’m sure I’ll be digitally tarred and feathered by someone at some time for my comments.  What's brought this on?  In a few moments of relaxation recently (actually it was at the Callington Health Centre whilst waiting for my annual MOT - and that went very well, thank you for asking. My GP had to reach deep into his medical lexicon to come up with his considered verdict of "you are in pretty good nick for a 65 year old".  Don't you just hate the abstruse terms that medics use?), I completed a 'Are you a feminist?' questionnaire I came across in some magazine or other.  Here are the questions (no, I didn't surreptitiously rip the page out of the magazine - I asked the receptionist if I could before I did so):

1. Do you believe men and women are equal?

2. Do you believe women have the right to self-determination?
3. Do you believe women have the right to the same access to education as men?
4. Do you believe women should not be barred from professions just because they are women?
5. Do you believe in equal compensation for equal work?
6. Do you believe a woman should not be discriminated against because she might in the distant future want to get married and have children, particularly when a man is just as likely to want to do the same?
7. Do you believe women should be judged on their abilities rather than their looks?
8. Do you believe that women should not be held in contempt for expressing the same emotions and/or behaviours as men?
9. Do you believe that women should not have to suffer from a sexual double-standard?
10. Do you believe that women should not be chronically under-diagnosed because medicine still uses men as the default universal?
11. Do you believe that a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants and not expect to get judged for it?
12. Do you believe a woman should be able to walk down a street without being expected, at the threat of verbal or physical abuse, to smile and/or flirt with any man who happens to be passing?
13. Do you believe women should not be raped?
14. Do you believe that if a women is raped, her rapist(s) should be brought to justice, without any reference to her clothes or demeanour?

Apparently as I answered 'yes' to them all, I'm a feminist. What, do I hear someone say? A male feminist? How does that work? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?  An oxymoron even?  No, of course it isn't. Think about it: feminism is both the idea and the movement that supports it.  A movement that advocates political, economic, and social equality for both men and women - the key word here being equality. A feminist is a person who believes in and supports this idea. It follows, therefore, that a male feminist is simply a man who believes in equal rights for both men and women.  There's nothing complicated or unreasonable in that and nothing that is exclusively female.

Being a feminist doesn’t mean that I  have to agree with all the methods employed by all feminists all of the time. To be honest, I find some feminists too loud, too angry, too ranty, too judgey and too, ermm, feminist. Just like some men, really. But I cannot fault the objectives of feminism - what valid arguments can there possibly be against equality? Now where did I put my bra and matches?  

Track of the Day 19th February 2013: Dave Alvin

An afternoon spent in the garden clearing and burning some woody stuff: i-Pod plugged in and listening to the podcast I mentioned a few posts back.  I particularly enjoyed one track featured in an episode from 2011.  It's on Dave Alvin's album Eleven Eleven and is called Harlan County Line.  Great track.  Enjoy.

If I may pontificate...........

I really have no opinion on whether the resignation of Pope Benedict is a good or a bad thing. Time will tell as to its true impact.  However I do find the Papal Conclave election process intriguing and can't help wondering if there's something there that we could be adopting in the UK.  I haven't really thought this through yet but I think something along the following lines might work.

 

1.  Each constituency would elect a local candidate pretty much along the same lines as now, with the exceptions that party politics would not be allowed and the voting would be done via text messaging. It would be mandatory for all on the electoral roll to register their mobile numbers to be eligible to vote. The candidate with the highest number of messages wins.  Simple. LOL x

2.  These MPs will now choose a leader from amongst themselves. The ones with the ten most votes (designated the Prime Ministerial candidates) will enter something like the Big Brother House in which they will stay until they elect the Prime Minister of Britain. Every Prime Ministerial candidate will spend a day in discussion with each of the other candidates until he/she has spent a day with them all. This will take 9 days and the cameras will be broadcasting everything as it happens.

3.  There will be a Diary Room where the candidates can take refuge and share their thoughts with the world at large.  I think it would be fascinating if they were given a challenge or two to keep them occupied.  I'm not sure exactly what but given that all politicians are expert at dissembling, intrigue and deception, something that plays to these attributes would be appropriate. Cluedo, perhaps?

4. On the tenth day, each of the candidates will vote for the candidate they think is most suitable for leadership, apart from themselves. The one with the highest number of votes becomes Prime Minister and the ritual smoke signal is sent out to the world.

This idea needs further development but it has got to be an improvement on the present system, hasn't it?   
 

Always an exhibitionist............!!

We know a very talented young actress called Katherine Markwick and this morning she was interviewed on Radio Leeds about a one-woman show she is putting on in Halifax next week.  As on previous occasions we just can't make it to see her perform her show but it has got excellent reviews.  I recorded the interview and you can listen to it below - just after the synopsis of the production.  If you want more information, take a look at the Hot Ice Theatre website here.  I wonder if Ms Markwick could be persuaded to put on a performance down here in sunny Cornwall?  If so, she'd be guaranteed an audience of at least two!

Welcome to Upper Crevice. Which is near to Lower Crevice. Which is near to nowhere. You are guests at Hive Corner, Upper Crevice’s finest (and only) Bed & Breakfast. Carol Carpenter is your hostess. She loves to talk. But as Carol’s stories of local life, local people, and her lengthy marriage unfold, you may begin to suspect that things in Upper Crevice are not as comfortably cosy as first they seem…

Enough, no more............rein them in!

No doubt I'll return to the serious side of the present food chain scandal at some stage. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the bad puns and Photoshop skills on show.

*  Traces of zebras found in Tesco barcodes.
*  I wasn'’t sure what to put on my best Tesco beefburger but eventually decided on a fiver each way
*  I’ve tried Sainsbury’s and Tesco burgers and I have to say Tesco wins by a nose.
*  I think I had Tesco Horseburger last night by mistake. Never again. Had terrible night mares
*  I bet Tesco hate being saddled with this story. Their PR agency must be bridling too. They’ll just have to get the bit between their teeth.
*  The police are doing a door to door enquiries about these horse burgers. They will soon have covered the whole Neigh-bourhood.
*  Can’t believe that woman was sent to hospital after eating a horse meat burger…… Her condition is said to be stable
*  I expect this only relates to those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the horse d’oeuvres.
*  Apparently Tesco now offer triple loyalty points for a takeaway burger and a full tank of petrol – They call it the “Only Fuels and Horses” deal
*  Reading the label on these Tesco burgers…. it turns out they’re fairly low in fat, but surprisingly high in Shergar.
*  Just got a batch of 200 Tesco beef burgers cheap, it only cost me a Pony
*  Despite the scandal Tesco say their burger sales remain stable
*  I’m not going to eat any more Tesco burgers…last time i had one they gave me the trots…
*  New kids food found in budget supermarket: My Lidl pony.
*  I’ve found it tough lately working on the Tesco meat counter…. I feel like I’m flogging a dead horse
*  I checked my Tesco Burgers in the fridge this morning…and They’re OffReply

*  I had a Findus lasagne last night. I’ve still got a bit between my teeth.
 

In praise of: The Best Radio You've Never Heard

Musical taste is a very personal and subjective emotion, made more complicated by the fact that, for most people, what you like can be very dependant on your mood at the time.  Something that would be soothing in the morning might grate if listened to in the afternoon.  At least that's the way it works for me: my musical tastes are extremely eclectic but very contingent on how I'm feeling or what I'm doing at the time.  Hence the difficulty I have in saying what my favourite genre or piece is. I love variety as I've got a butterfly mind that flits from one thing to another. And musical variety is the key feature I appreciate in a podcast I've been listening to since around 2006. It's called The Best Radio You Have Never Heard and is produced by Perry Bax in Chicago. 

Each podcast (free to download and released as regular as clockwork twice a month on the 1st and 15th) comprises a compilation of around 90 minutes of intriguingly mixed rock and rock-based songs from an eclectic variety of artists who, in other contexts, might be considered incompatible. Genres, rhythms, moods and artists are seamlessly blended together to produce a mix that I find fascinating - hence the fact that I've downloaded all 202 episodes (a total of around 8 days of solid rock!). BRYHNH includes favourites and new discoveries from both familiar artists and those I would not have come across by any other means. Listening has not only expanded my rock education but also consolidated my high opinion of the giants of the 60s and 70s. Ladies and gentlemen: I can heartedly commend BRYHNH to you. And if you need convincing, here are a couple of track listings.

The current volume: Lover's Leap #202: issued 1st February 2013, featuring an excellent Stones track at #1 and the new Bowie single at #8, about which I'm ambivalent.

1. Midnight Rambler (live) - The Rolling Stones w/ special guest, Mick Taylor.
2. Sway (live) - Alejandro Escovedo.
3. Feeling Brave - Blue Sky Riders.
4. Come And Get Your Love - Roger Daltrey.
5. When Will I See You Again? - Anders Osborne.
6. Cry To The World - Renaissance.
7. Starship Trooper (live) - Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman and Howe.
8. Where Are We Now - David Bowie.
9. Rubber Ring (live) - The Smiths.
10. Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town (live) - Pearl Jam.
11. The Chain (early) - Fleetwood Mac.
12. Touch Me (alt/early) - The Doors.
13. Bold As Love (early) - Jimi Hendrix Experience.
14. Blind Spirit - The The.

And a classic from the archive (Volume 22: 1st May 2006), The Revolution Will Not Be Televised is one from the back catalogue that I keep returning to.  And not only for Tracks 6, 14 and 17. It's a feast of compare and contrast rock styles: just take a look at the track listing.

1. Good Night Saigon - Billy Joel
2. Red Rain - Peter Gabriel
3. Stan - Eminem
4. Tom Sawyer - Rush
5. Lysistrata - Utopia
6. Tommy Gun - The Clash
7. Accidents Will Happen - Elvis Costello
8. Who's Landing In My Hangar - Human Switchboard
9. You're Gonna Miss me Baby - 13th Floor Elevator
10. Livin' on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
11. Babooshka - Kate Bush
12. School - Supertramp
13. Smell Like Team Spirit - Nirvana
14. Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
15. Enter Sandman - Metallica
16. The King will Come - Wishbone Ash
17. The Revolution will Not be Televised - Gil Scott-Heron

Fresh air - and no rain!

 

A 5.5 mile circular walk along local lanes today with the Gunnislake U3A Walking Group. Starting outside the church in Linkinhorne and taking in Brouda, Plusha Bridge, Rilla Mill and Rillaton. A crisp day and one that was a joy to be out in. We beat the rain!

 

Seen at Plushabridge. Apparently Roman, which I very much doubt. It just doesn't fit in with what we know about the Romans in Cornwall.

Not a roadsign we see that often around here.  It refers to a local target shooting club - I hope.

Well embedded in this tree.  Beats having to fix it with string.

Lots and lots of snowdrops in the lanes and alongside the streams.

Not that many daffodils yet.  I think these are the wild type rather than a cultivar.  They are not that common.

Gay marriage: in perspective

Well, the votes were cast last night and, after due process through the Lords etc, gay marriage will be legalised - hooray.  Despite the dire warnings of the naysayers, I think the above graphic probably sums up its long-term impact upon our society.  I'd forgotten that I have been to a gay marriage ceremony a long time ago - it was in North Carolina around 1995 and, quadruple shock horror, the officiating priest was female (way before we had them in the UK).  I'm sure we'll reach the same position over here when such events are seen as the celebration they are, rather than a step on the ladder to societal collapse.

 Having said all that, I must admit that my opinion could have been swayed if I had come across the following cogently argued case against gay marriage a little earlier.  I just love the way the author's bigotry, racism and misogyny are so skillfully conflated.  I do hope he remembers to take his medication today.


1. Marriage is eugenic, feminism dysgenic.
2. More female MPs proportionately will support gay marriage than male MPs, calling into question their moral judgement and ability to think rationally and independently.
3. The fact that more female Tory MPs will support gay marriage than male Tory MPs is evidence of their moral judgement and ability to think rationally and independently.
4. Our political classes do not respect marriage.
5. Our political classes do not know how to respect marriage.
6. If our political classes respected marriage, they would see the necessity of privileging married couples over unmarried couples.
7. Currently, not a single political party you will have heard of proposes privileging married couples.
8. Marriage is for the rearing of children and so is exclusively for male-female pairings who are not in the prohibited degrees of consanguinity capable of procreative sex.
9. Just because there are childless married couples does not detract from the original nature and purpose of marriage.
10. Catholics could have their marriage annulled (ie treated as it never happened) if one of the couple is infertile, which demonstrates the original purpose of marriage, which is to have children.
11. Gay marriage is immoral because it is not necessary.
12. Gay marriage is not necessary because same-sex couples already have the civil partnership, allowing them to take free of inheritance tax which starts at 40%.
13. It is not necessary in the long-term national interest to legalise gay marriage.
14. It is destructive to the long-term national interest to legalise gay marriage because if gay marriage is an option then more people will avail themselves of it.
15. If more people avail themselves of gay marriage then there will be fewer children being born to husbands and wives.
16. If there are fewer children being born to husbands and wives then there will be a labour shortage.
17. If there is a labour shortage more immigrants will be allowed in
18. If there is even more immigration people will get even more alarmed and resentful causing social unrest and anarchy.
19. The reason why married couples should be treated as a degree above same-sex couples, all things being equal, is that married couples are the ones whose children are most likely to be brought up in an environment that produces well-adjusted adults capable of becoming useful citizens.
20. Same-sex couples do not produce offspring with their civil partner.
21. Same sex couples do not undergo the sacrifice, burden and inconvenience of rearing the next generation.
22. If same-sex couples were capable of sexual reproduction only then would it be moral to have gay marriage.
23. It is as well to acknowledge that it was feminism that was the thin end of the wedge that led to gay marriage. For some reason, most women do not mind about gay marriage. It is either because marriage was the invention of a man and they spitefully wish to destroy his creation, or because they are too stupid and irresponsible to grasp the pivotal role of marriage in regulating human relations.

The gay marriage issue

I have absolutely no time for homophobic bigots and I agree with Posh Dave's stance on gay marriage. But he is having a hard time from some of his right wingers.  Here's a couple of well reasoned quotes from one of the loonies in his party.  As they say, with friends like these, who needs enemies?

"It (marriage) is a delicate mechanism that must not be tampered with by the ignorant and the immoral, the frivolous, the irresponsible and the venal, as you would expect someone to be who has become British Prime Minister without knowing what Magna Carta is".

"The fact that a Conservative Prime Minister can propose such an immoral and insane piece of legislation and have so much support is indicative of the degeneracy and dementia of the British".

Working Time Directive under the spotlight

For most of my career, I was fortunate in working for a very employee-friendly, some would say paternalistic, company.  Even so, I always had the protection of a contract that said, stripped to the basics, "we will give you £x if you do the following".  Such a contract was not unreasonable and both parties knew exactly what was expected of them.

'My' company was not unique in the way it cared for its employees but it was certainly not in the majority.  Hence the need for legislation to protect workers' employment rights.  Such rights were a long time coming and were only gained after many struggles by the ordinary working man: they were certainly not introduced by benevolent bosses.  Nowadays these rights are enshrined in the Working Time Directive from the EU and, in my opinion, gives employees reasonable protection against exploitation by unscrupulous employers.  These are amongst the rights that we stand to lose if the Euro-sceptics get their way and we pull out of the EU.  These are one of the good things we get from the EU and should be preserved.  Which of them do you think is unreasonable?  Which of them would you miss if it was taken away?  What do you think it would be like to work in a job without their protection? 

Welcome to Cameron's Britain............

Is it only me or does anyone else find the juxtaposition of these headlines on the BBC website just now rather depressing?

A must-have accessory for your i-Pod/i-Phone/i-Whatever

I'm sure it's a problem we've all come up against every now and again.  When we are in the bathroom, whether we are bathing, shaving, washing our hair or, erm, sat down pondering life's mysteries, it's so relaxing to have a little background music.  In the latter case, your trouser pockets are probably somewhere near your shoes or your dress is tucked around your waist.  Either way, you have to hold your iPod or iPhone in your hand or balance it nearby precariously and risk it falling off into the bath, sink, or somewhere else that I really don't want to think about.

You'll be relieved to hear that we need struggle no longer: help is at hand.  If you are not already aware of it, let me introduce you to the new number one (or should that be "number two"?) iPod accessory - the iCarta 2.  Flushed with the success of their excellent iPod docks and other sensible items, the iCarta designers sat down, had a good think and came up with this 21st century addition to the smallest room.  It will surely wipe away those bathroom blues.

The iCarta 2 acts as a docking station for your iPod and/or iPhone and it comes with a set of adaptors to make sure your gizmo is a nice snug fit.  It even has a USB connector, an line-in socket and Bluetooth.  All that and rechargeable batteries, so there are no risky mains leads trailing in the bathroom.  Ooops, nearly forgot to mention that the iCarta 2 has 4 (yes, four! Count em!) speakers - two tweeters and two woofers - all moisture proof to cope with those steamy bathroom situations.  There's no need to strain your (r)ears as the sound reproduction does a thoroughly good job of playing your favourite tracks, whether they be Handel's Water Music, "Push It" by Salt 'N Pepa, something by Squeeze or maybe a cheery ditty from South Park's Mr Hankey. And, if you hadn't noticed from the photo, it is a handy toilet roll dispenser as well!

A great idea and you can get the full specification here.  Those with a penchant for toilet humour might muse on a more appropriate name than iCarta.  How about the iPoo'ed or i-Wipe or i-Wee'd or i-Flush or i-Bum or ........?

Some suggestions for dealing with the feckless

Why should we support the feckless, lazy and irresponsible?  How can we help them change their ways and become more responsible members of society?  Here are a few suggestions:

Gang Culture
Break up their vicious criminal gangs by arresting the ringleaders and locking them up. Perhaps starting with those attending the World Economic Forum.
Parenting
Provide parenting classes for the feral rich to teach them social values and respect for others that they can pass on to their offspring.
Housing
Move them out of their overvalued ghettos in the centres of the world's capitals. Turn over the properties they own but rarely occupy to public use and social housing.
Crime and Rehab
Crack down on repeat climate-crime offenders by confiscating their luxury cars and private jets. Rehabilitate persistent offenders by teaching them how to walk and use public transport.
Employment
Wean the work-shy off the benefits of unearned profit. Break trust-fund dependence. Get undeserving recipients on to work experience schemes.
Anti-social behaviour
Use 'tough love' to deal with those who engage in risky behaviour, who gamble, cheat and deceive and then expect the public to bail them out of trouble. Ground them, tag them and ban them from using the internet to vandalize the global economy.
Profligacy
Target contraception towards problem families with morbidly obese carbon footprints fuelled by irresponsible lifestyles.
Vandalism
Get them to clear up after themselves.  Remember Bhopal? Gulf of Mexico? Niger Delta?
Social Conscience
Teach them to start paying their own way. Lesson #1: Pay your tax.  Just because tax avoidance is legal, it doesn't mean it's not morally reprehensible.
Restorative Justice
Get overpaid execs who helped themselves to bonuses from bailed-out banks and businesses to face the victims of their crime and repay the money they owe.

Venturous harbinger of Spring

Not much colour in our garden at the moment although it won't be long before the daffodils are with us.  But we do have our first showing of snowdrops and there are many more to come.  Possibly my favourite flower and one that has moved many poets to verse over the years.  Here are just three examples: laugh-a-minute Ted Hughes gets my vote.

To the snowdrop (Charlotte Smith)
 Like pendant flakes of vegetating snow,
The early herald of the infant year,
Ere yet the adventurous crocus dares to blow,
Beneath the orchard boughs thy buds appear.

While still the cold north-east ungenial lours,
And scarce the hazel in the leafless copse,
Or sallows shew their downy powder'd flowers,
The grass is spangled with thy silver drops.

Yet when those pallid blossoms shall give place
To countless tribes, of richer hue and scent,
Summer's gay blooms, and autumn's yellow race,
I shall thy pale inodorous bells lament.

So journeying onward in life's varying track,
Ev'n while warm youth its bright illusion lends,
Fond memory often with regret looks back
To childhood's pleasures, and to infant friends.
 

To a snowdrop (William Wordsworth)
Lone Flower, hemmed in with snows and white as they
But hardier far, once more I see thee bend
Thy forehead, as if fearful to offend,
Like an unbidden guest. Though day by day,
Storms, sallying from the mountain-tops, waylay
The rising sun, and on the plains descend;
Yet art thou welcome, welcome as a friend
Whose zeal outruns his promise! Blue-eyed May
Shall soon behold this border thickly set
With bright jonquils, their odours lavishing
On the soft west-wind and his frolic peers;
Nor will I then thy modest grace forget,
Chaste Snowdrop, venturous harbinger of Spring,
And pensive monitor of fleeting years!

Snowdrop (Ted Hughes)
Now is the globe shrunk tight

Round the mouse’s dulled wintering heart.
Weasel and crow, as if moulded in brass,
Move through an outer darkness
Not in their right minds,
With the other deaths. She, too, pursues her ends,
Brutal as the stars of this month,
Her pale head heavy as metal.

 

 

 

All things being equal....................Revisited

In a previous post I mentioned the work on inequality discussed in the book The Spirit Level written by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett.  Just to recap, they presented data to support of the hypothesis that rising levels of inequality were leading to unhappier and unhealthy societies.

As a follow on, it's interesting to read that Oxfam has recently challenged the World’s political leaders, gathered at this week’s World Economic Forum in Switzerland, to do more to tackle inequality , demanding a “global new deal to reverse decades of increasing inequality.” Oxfam's report, 'The cost of inequality: how wealth and income extremes hurt us all' can be found here  In this they claim that efforts to tackle poverty are being hindered by an “explosion in extreme wealth,” which it describes as “economically inefficient, politically corrosive, socially divisive and environmentally destructive.  Oxfam argues that the “accumulation of wealth and income on an unprecedented scale, is at the expense of secure jobs and decent wages for the poorest” which undermines the “ability of people who survive on … low wages to improve their situation and escape poverty.”

The key points Oxfam makes are:
*  The world must urgently set goals to tackle extreme inequality and extreme wealth.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are reaching levels never before seen and are getting worse.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are economically inefficient.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are politically corrosive.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are socially divisive.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are environmentally destructive.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are unethical.
*  Extreme wealth and inequality are not inevitable.

Each point is supported with some evidence (nothing too weighty as it's a very short report -just under 4 pages) and the conclusion is: "we cannot afford to have a world of extreme wealth and extreme inequality.  We cannot afford to have a world where inequality continues to grow in the majority of countries.  In a world of increasingly scarce resources, reducing inequality is more important than ever.  It needs to be reduced and quickly".

All very laudable and a philosophy I agree with.  I am, however, underwhelmed by this stated objective: "that is why we are calling for a new global goal to end extreme wealth by 2025 and reverse the rapid increase in inequality seen in the majority of countries in the last twenty years, taking inequality back to 1990 levels".  Calling for a return to the poverty level of a previous decade strikes me as rather self-defeating for a organisation that claims to want to eliminate it.  After all, 1990 was not a year when the star of equality shone brightly in the sky. 

Serendipity and foul tasting seabirds

Serendipity* means a "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise" and it's always nice to make unexpected connections when reading a book.  I've just put down The Blackhouse by Peter May, another of his novels set on the Outer Hebridean Island of Lewis.  In this, guga hunting by the men of Ness, an area of Lewis to the north of the isle, looms large over the narrative.  What particularly piqued my interest was his description of the taste of the guga and, through this, the making of a serendipitous connection with a holiday we had in Tasmania in 2000.  To explain.................. 

First a little about the guga. It's the Gaelic word for a young gannet, the flesh of which is regarded as a delicacy in Ness today and, indeed, has been for many centuries.  In the autumn of each year, a group of 10 Nessmen set sail for Sula Sgeir, a remote and inhospitable rocky island far to the north, to kill a maximum of 2,000 young birds (restricted to 2,000 for conservation purposes and licensed by a specific Act of Parliament).  They set up residence for about two weeks in stone bothys. Working in pairs, the men take the fledglings from their nests with poles, catching them around the neck with a rope noose, then killing the birds with a blow to the head.  The birds are plucked and salted on site and loaded onto the return boat via a complicated wooden shute, as shown in this video clip.

The men bring home their catch to an eager crowd of customers and the demand is usually so great that the birds have to be rationed out to ensure that no-one goes without a taste of guga. And what about the taste?  Is it really worth all this effort?  It is considered a great delicacy by those who like it, with a texture similar to duck and the flavour of fish.  Take a look at this video clip and see how someone named Funny Gary reacted to his first taste of guga.  Yum!

And now the connection to Tasmania.  I haven't tasted guga but, on a visit to Stanley in 2000, I did try a local delicacy rather fancifully called the mutton bird.  And my reaction to that was exactly the same as Gary's.  The mutton bird is a short tailed shearwater which is ground nesting and is trapped in nets as they leave the nests after their overnight roost.  It is salted, boiled and then served with a stomach-turning layer of grease.  It really is foul: disgusting is a better word, revolting an even better one.  It has the texture of duck and the taste and mouth feel of cod liver oil.  It can only be a delicacy to the starving and those without taste buds.  If you have a chance to try it, don't.  Trust me on this.

Stanley, Tasmania.  For ever scorched on my mind by the taste of the mutton bird.

*(Those of us who like etymology will relish this comment from Wikipedia: The first noted use of "serendipity" in the English language was by Horace Walpole (1717–1797). In a letter to Horace Mann (dated 28 January 1754) he said he formed it from the Persian fairy tale The Three Princes of Serendip, whose heroes "were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of". The name stems from Serendip, an old name for Sri Lanka (aka Ceylon), from Arabic Sarandib, which was adopted from Tamil "Seren deevu" or originally from Sanskrit Suvarnadweepa or golden island (some trace the etymology to Simhaladvipa which literally translates to "Dwelling-Place-of-Lions Island".)

EU or not EU?

Lord Palmerston 1855

"Bombastic and foreigner despising" was the way my History Master used to describe the principles underlying the policies of Lord Palmerston when he was Foreign Secretary under Queen Victoria.  To be more accurate, it was "bombastic and foweigner despising" as (the late) Mr Percival had an unfortunate lisp. If he were still teaching today, Mr Percival would probably describe them as "arrogant and xenophobic" (sorry, "awwogant and xenophobic").  Which takes us to the Head Boy's speech promising a referendum on our EU membership if, heaven forbid, he gets re-elected,

I think 'arrogant and xenophobic' is an apt description of the UK's attitude to the Common Market/EU over the years.  We've never been fully engaged and our politicians have never seemed to take it really seriously.  No wonder that the great British public are lukewarm.  Yes, the EU faces major challenges brought on by neoliberal economic globalisation.  And, yes, the challenges are worsened by its own systemic weaknesses.  But it is taking measures to overcome these and the UK should be active and constructive participants in any discussions.  Unfortunately, I don't think we will as the long hard slog of detailed negotiations is not Posh Dave's style.  Much better to do a Lord Palmerston. 

Coming back to the promised referendum, what are the chances of us having a reasoned and rational debate about the issues?  With rabid attack-dogs like Nigel Farage already snapping and yelping, the answer to this is probably 'no'. We need to reflect on whether our net contribution of £7bn out of our total government expenditure of £695bn is good value.
 
And talking of good value: what has the EEC/EU ever done for us?  Not much, apart from:

Providing 57% of our trade;
Structural funding to areas hit by industrial decline;
Clean beaches and rivers;
Cleaner air;
Lead free petrol;
Restrictions on landfill dumping;
A recycling culture;
Cheaper mobile phone charges;
Cheaper air travel;
Improved consumer protection and food labelling;
A ban on growth hormones and other harmful food additives;
Better product safety;
Single market competition bringing quality improvements and better industrial performance;
Break up of monopolies;
Europe-wide patent and copyright protection;
No paperwork or customs for exports throughout the single market;
Price transparency and removal of commission on currency exchanges across the eurozone;
Freedom to travel, live and work across Europe;
Funded opportunities for young people to undertake study or work placements abroad;
Access to European health services;
Labour protection and enhanced social welfare;
Smoke-free workplaces;
Equal pay legislation;
Holiday entitlement;
The right not to work more than a 48-hour week without overtime; Strongest wildlife protection in the world;
Improved animal welfare in food production;
EU-funded research and industrial collaboration;
EU representation in international forums;
Bloc EEA negotiation at the WTO;
EU diplomatic efforts to uphold the nuclear non-proliferation treaty;
European arrest warrant;
Cross border policing to combat human trafficking, arms and drug smuggling;
Counter terrorism intelligence;
European civil and military co-operation in post-conflict zones in Europe and Africa;
Support for democracy and human rights across Europe and beyond;
Investment across Europe contributing to better living standards and educational, social and cultural capital;
It has for 60 years been the foundation of peace between European neighbours after centuries of bloodshed;
It has assisted the extraordinary political, social and economic transformation of 13 former dictatorships, now EU members, since 1980.

 

Spooks - the poet replies

Following on from yesterday's post about Jack Underwood's poem 'Spooks', I did find his e-mail address and did ask him about his inspiration.  Here is his reply, for which I have his permission to reproduce below. I can identify with his comment about wobbly brain activity over which we have no control: our minds have minds of their own.

"Thanks for getting in touch. I'm glad you liked the poem and found it had legs thought-wise.

What the poem might mean I would, of course, leave with you, and even the question of where it came from is tricky, since it is impossible to know how much of an idea is to do with conscious activity and artifice when writing and how much is to do with wobbly brain activity of which you have no control or dominion over.

I think it might be something to do with Litvinenko, and the idea of poisoning and espionage. I think I probably absorbed some sort of horror from urban myths about people injecting people in clubs with HIV. Then there is the image of a battenburg cake being injected with ink from Vic Reeves' Big Night Out*. There is that moment when you discover a small amount of blood wet you bite into a hard apple. All this, plus the slightly odd ways in which desire works relative to other people, how it plays out externally. All of the above, and perhaps none of the above; like I say, impossible to know.

Hope that helps a little, though!"

(* For readers in NC, Vic Reeves is a UK comic who has a rather surreal take on humour - something akin to Spike Milligan**).
(** For readers in NC, Spike Milligan was a UK comic who had a rather surreal take on humour - something akin to Vic Reeves*).

Probably the UK's most original humourist?

'Spooks' by Jack Underwood

A poem in this week's New Statesman has entertained me for longer than they normally do.  It's 'Spooks' by a young English poet called Jack Underwood.  The theme is very black and I'm still trying to understand what it is about it that I like.  Perhaps I should e-mail Mr Underwood?  In fact, I will e-mail him and see what he says.

I want to inject blood into the banana
then put it smartly in a bowl I want
someone to idly choose it peel it then taste
the strange rust a quarter way down
and spit it out see blood in the lemony mulch
(a sort of red spit with the tiny black seeds)
I want them to check their mouth for a source a cut
and by now the person they are with will be confused
(blood on the lip in the footwell
at the gum-edges) and say are you ok?
I want them to reply there's blood then without
even meaning to without a logical tracing
of thought look back to the banana and see
blood in the banana, feel the raw shock
of something possibly unthought of
I want them to get to the idea that
someone put the blood in the banana
an idea drinking heat from the skin but held
unable to understand to fit the reasons
I want this to happen.