Ring Dang Doo or Wang Dang Doodle?

As an antidote to the festive tunes we've just about had enough of for another year, I offer you a selection of my favourite nonsense lyrics as a little seasonal cheer.

The first song is The Ying Tong Song, written by Spike Milligan and first performed by the Goons in 1956. Don't look for any meaning, there isn't any. Apparently Spike wrote this as a bet with his brother that he could compose a hit record that had only two chords. As a right of passage, each of my grandchildren has been serenaded with my version of this and each has produced exactly the same expression of bemusement as I inflicted my Bluebottle voice on them. It also brings back memories of listening to the Goons on a wind-up gramophone (yes, with needles that you had to change quite frequently) at Nan Parsons' in Woodingdean, just outside of Brighton. For years my Uncle Ed convinced me that the name of the house was Dinky Doo in honour of the Goons, when, in fact, it was the more prosaic Twenty Two.

My next nugget is Ring Dang Doo by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. More famously known for their other literary masterpiece, Woolly Bully, I've always thought that Ring Dang Doo has been overlooked. "You can keep your gold and your diamonds too, All I want is a Ring Dang Doo". If that's not the start of a polemic against the iniquities of capitalism and the consumer society, I don't know what is. I love the way Petula Clarke introduces the act and manages to keep a straight face.

Here's a question for you? What's the difference between a Wang Dang Doodle and a Ring Dang Doo? Maybe Howling Wolf knows the answer but he's not letting on. Whatever, it's a very piece of blues and makes me want to dig out my old Howling Wolf LPs.

And finally, once upon a time figuring out the meaning of the lyrics of Pressed Rat and Warthog by Cream seemed to be very important to a group of us at Aberystwyth University. However, as our discussions generally took place on a Saturday night after the pubs had shut, I don't think we ever reached a definitive conclusion. And after all these years, I still can't make out what they mean. Atonal apples? Amplified heat? Sub-Lewis Carroll methinks. Ginger Baker is a better drummer than he is a lyricist. But it's a great track from their Wheels of Fire double LP. A 15 minute drum solo anyone? No, I thought not. How times have changed. Did I ever tell you of the time I told Eric Clapton where the loo was at the King's Hall in Aberystwyth? No? Well it was like this.......