Thursday, 11 August 2016

And they call that a sport? Really?

I have been trying to avoid making any comments on these 2016 Olympics, but I've been provoked and can hold my tongue no longer. Just now I was subjected to a TV item on  'athletes' performing in synchronized swimming. This is an Olympic event? Really?  I know, I know… it takes skill and work and practice, practice, practice to win a medal in this 'sport'. But it also takes skill and work and practice, practice, practice to play the trombone. Does that mean I can expect trombone to be an Olympic event at the Tokyo Games in 2020?  How about Trombone Pairs? Or Synchronized Trombone. Will there be a Trombone Relay? How about the Trombone Throw?  I would certainly tune in for that. I can just imagine the accompanying commentary.

“Smith has just entered the ring for his last attempt at the Trombone Throw.  He has already won the gold in the Non-slide Throw, silver in the Trombone Throw Relay and a bronze in the Pairs. If he can beat Edward's toss of 91 metres he will become the most decorated trombone thrower in Olympic history with a chance to win four more medals in the Slide Pair, Relay, Synchronized and Team events. Smith got his start in the Trombone Throw because he sucked at every other sport he had ever attempted. He took up playing the trombone at age 14 but when he realized he also sucked at playing the instrument, he threw it across his garden in a fit of frustration and a future Olympian was born.

Now here it comes, after years of practice and sacrifice Jones goes into his spin, he plants and it is a beautiful release. This is definitely going to be a new Olympic record at 93 metres. Jones is the new ..wait ...wait... the red flag is up. Oh no! The slide came off. It's a foul. No throw. What a tragic end for one of the greatest Olympic athletes of all time". 

By my reckoning, the Olympics should be about boxing and Track and Field (except speed walking. Come off it, walking is not a sport). No need for the other sports as they are adequately represented by existing professional leagues. If pushed, I'd allow swimming, gymnastics and volleyball to have their own separate games, the SRAO: The Second Rate Athlete Olympics. These could run simultaneously with the DUTTEO: Drugged Up To Their Eyeballs Olympics (see previous post for my reasoning behind this). If anyone still cared about ping pong, canoe racing, diving, archery etc. etc then they can watch Sky Sports on a Sunday afternoon.

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