Things Jamaican

I'm sort of watching the latest BBC bodice ripper - Jamaica Inn. To those of us living close to where it's ostensibly located, it's an interesting experience. Kirkby Lonsdale in Yorkshire doubling as Launceston, views of moors unrecognisable to those of us who tramp Bodmin Moor regularly, chronological anachronisms and accents that were formed a thousand miles from Cornwall mumbled incoherently. Not my thing but I can understand why it seems to be popular. Actually, that's not true - I can't understand its popularity but what do I know?

Amongst the cast, that fine actress, Joanne Whalley, plays Aunt Patience but, to me, she looks all wrong. Is it her too-tidy hair? Is it her too-clean skin? No, it's her teeth, which could not be less early 19th century if they tried. However, on the plus side, her shining white molars do come in useful at times. The drama is so gloomy that, most of the time, it's difficult making out the characters on screen. But it's always possible to see Aunt Patience by her gleaming gnashers. They illuminate the screen like a beacon and I'm left wondering why her husband, Joss Merlyn, doesn't use her to lure the laden ships on to the rocks in readiness for plundering. Her toothy smile can easily do the work of his lanterns and save him goodness knows how much in lamp oil.

And whilst we are musing on themes Jamaican, have you ever tried Cadbury's 'Old Jamaica' chocolate bar? The wrapper proudly claims this is “Raisins and rum flavoured dark chocolate” and the advertising blurb has this evocative prose: "Rums and raisins were two favourite stowaways on-board the ships of the merchant adventurer. With a similar taste for adventure Bournville sought out the richest source of cocoa beans in Ghana in 1908. Still using cocoa beans shipped from Ghana and the much loved raisins and rum flavours, Bournville is proud to unveil a new twist on an old favourite "Old Jamaica" . Whatever the 'new twist' is, it certainly hasn't improved the flavour. Nostalgia whacked me on the back of the head recently when I saw it displayed in our local supermarket and I just had to find out if it tasted the same as I remember it from way back. Sadly I was disappointed.

In actual fact, it contains no real rum, and it’s hardly dark chocolate. A quick look at the back of the pack reveals that it contains only 39% cocoa solids, with 18% raisins and – oddly – milk fat. The label also shows that total sugars in this bar are 14 g per 25g of chocolate. Ouch! So what we actually get is “raisins with some dark-coloured milk chocolate, lots of sugar and some artificial flavour”. It’s quite difficult to get a handle on the chocolate flavour because the sweet, fake alcohol overpowers it entirely. I’m at a bit of a loss as to how they manage to squeeze so much sugar and artificial rum into such a small space. The really annoying thing about this bar, though, is that it’s just so moreish. Despite the fact that I really didn’t like it, I found myself breaking off chunks every couple of minutes and wolfing them down. Deservedly I felt sick afterwards. No more Old Jamaica for me and I would suggest that lovers of decent chocolate give it a miss as well. Treat yourself to a decent 80 - 90% cocoa solids bar instead: you know it makes sense.